With 2008 soon coming to a close, we’re on the eve of a new year of exciting celebrity gossip. It’s bound to be better than this last year’s snooze-fest – Britney got better, Lindsay settled down and Amy Winehouse somehow didn’t OD. Because I read entirely too much TMZ I think I have a pretty good idea of what to expect from the famous and dim-witted over the coming year.
My celebrity predictions for 2009 (with completely non-arbitrary tie-ins to Silver Oak casino games):
Paris Hilton Wins an Oscar
Despite critically-acclaimed roles in “House of Wax”, “Bottoms Up” and “One Night in Paris”, Ms. Hilton has been consistently snubbed by the Oscar committee. But that will all come to an end this year when her lead role in “The Hottie and the Nottie” finally earns her a golden statuette. In a press conference after the win, committee members will cite her overwhelming pathos and keen fashion sense as the principal reasons for her victory. The only blemish on her award-winning night will come when snubbed “Best Actress” nominee Carmen Electra bites off Paris’ nose in a post-Awards ceremony melee.
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Heidi and Spencer Give Birth. World Ends.
Late in 2009, Heidi Montag will proudly give birth to little Spencer Damian Pratt, Jr. Within minutes plagues of locusts will sweep across all major agricultural areas around the world. Plague and pestilence will follow soon afterwards. Within an hour the Earth will crack open and…well, that’ll be it. For those who are wondering, Spencer Damian Pratt, Jr. will be 8 pounds, 4 oz. at birth.
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A Beverly Hillbillies-theme Casino Will Open.
Max Baer, Jr. who played Jethro on the megahit sitcom the Beverly Hillbillies will open a show-themed casino. It will feature a 15 story oil derrick out front, bathrooms with outhouse-style doors and “Granny’s Shotgun Wedding Chapel”. Incidentally, this one might actually happen. If so, cross your fingers that Heidi and Spencer’s demon child will actually hearken the end of the world.
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