As you may have heard, but probably haven’t, plans are in place for a huge casino celebrating the classic TV show “The Beverly Hillbillies”. Really. But that got me to thinking…if they can do it for a moldy old show like that, why not make other TV show-themed casinos. Here’s my top 10 ideas:
1. CSI: Las Vegas – It would just look a regular casino except for the occasional dramatic crime-scene re-enactment complete with cadavers and blood spatters. And even though he’s on a different CSI, David Caruso would walk around taking off and putting on his sunglasses.
2. The Biggest Loser – This casino would feature a huge, free buffet. Which would be great except for the fact they wouldn’t let you stop gambling until you lost at least 150 pounds.
3. Sex and the City – There wouldn’t be any table games or slot machines, instead it would just be one enormous Manolo Blahnik shoe store.
4. Arrested Development – Despite being very popular with casino critics, it would be nearly empty and would close after three seasons.
5. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – It would start as a rundown, stinky old casino overrun by rats and children. But at midnight each night it would be torn down and replaced by a beautiful new casino you can’t afford to play at.
6. Battlestar Galactica – I don’t quite know what this would be like, but it would be awesome.
7. Survivor – All the best table games and slot machines would be replaced by incredibly dull challenges like solving an enormous word-scramble puzzle, or seeing how long you can hold your hands above your head. Also, they wouldn’t serve any water and you’d have to eat bugs.
8. Cops – Every time you won a big jackpot a cop car would screech to a halt beside you and two men in blue would chase you around with a taser, at which point you would inexplicably take off your shirt and start swearing.
9. The Hills – Nothing would happen but there would be a film crew recording you every time you sip your drink or sip your drink again.
10. Golden Girls – This would look just like a regular casino on a Tuesday afternoon.
Until they open an America’s Next Top Model casino, you might as well play right here.